When I was a child I wanted to be a vampire or a princess. As a vampire I would have the ability to fly through the night and enjoy the freedom of it. My other desire was to be a beautiful princess and therefore being loved by everyone. This is how I came to making art!
Talking about flying; I fly when looking for inspiration. I break out of the ‘normal day’ habits, places and routines. I go somewhere I haven’t been before. I walk, drink a coffee, and look around. It doesn’t have to be a special activity or place. Sometimes I meet strangers that I talk to and sometimes these people change my life, like Elli, a beautiful 97-year-old lady I met on the tram going to the Roland Center, a shopping mall. The importance lies in loosing myself inside the situation, in an unknown environment all by myself, where there is no restriction in time and boundaries where to go or what to do.
When I look at artwork of others, I feel the urge to come close to a painting, or photography, or a performer or a sculpture. Likely to touch, to feel, or absorb it in its material and content at the same time. In my own work I try to use the theme of closeness not necessarily in a physical way but to evoke it on an emotional level. As an expressive medium I use body and movement in time and space shown in installation, video or live performance. The combination of these ingredients melting in one whole piece fascinates me. I like to work with an obvious beauty and use it as a material basis.
For the dance performance „Hold“ I had two very special spicy moments that shaped the idea of my later work. The first one was in the living room of my former flat in Bremen. I was sitting on my couch Carlos with my boyfriend Eduard. I was kind of frustrated since I couldn’t really focus my thoughts on a new idea and didn´t feel like making a decision. I read out a text I had written. We talked about it facing each other and all the sudden Eduard had ideas of a massive performance. Like this, or this, or yeah, big and provocative. My head started spinning, I felt anxiety, great joy and doubt all at the same time. He said something about a baseball bat, I don’t remember so well, neither does he, but somehow that brought me to the main character of the piece (which is quite far from a baseball bat).
Some time later we were invited to a lady we had just met in a tram, through a mutual friend. She was so nice that we ended up offering her, still in the tram, to make a video documentary of her theatre play. We had dinner in her beautiful house, where you feel like time had stopped by just entering the door. We stayed till 6 o’clock in the morning, eating delicious food, drinking coffee, and talking about life. I had never experienced something like this before; it felt like we could stay forever. In the last minutes I shortly told her about my idea. She only asked why not more characters. And there it was, so easy and astonishing. The basis was built and I started the work on my performance. Looking back it is so interesting to see how many steps in unsuspected directions and situations you need to go to come to what you have come to.
In this moment I am in a process of recreating myself in a new environment of living and working. Here I explore and absorb knowledge in new ways in theory and praxis. It feels like being stretched and moved in unknown directions, which can definitely evoke muscle ache but is also a strong engagement for building up these muscles. It is a mix between finding unknown muscles and getting to know the strong ones. So new situations always bring me to train and built up my art corpus. Talking of the New, there are many ideas of new projects ranging from weird film ideas on one day, to remakes of old works on the other. We are all curious on the results.
Coming to my inner ingredients, the most important aspect for my working life is the handling of my fears and doubts. In my artistic learning process I have known and recognized some of them so far, which is a very handy (and hard) thing to cope with. Once I am brave enough to grab them, they are put in in a box and kicked to Mexico where the mafia will burn them down, so I can be sure they won´t return. Trust, chocolate, truthfulness, bravery, tortellini, strength and discipline are ingredients I have on my big wish shopping list next to new golden boots and a shiny party jacket. But not as easy to get and not always on sale! When you have it, trust is so good! Trusting yourself, in what your doing, even if it is strange or easy or very personal or if you think no one will like this. The best of best is, when you have people that you can trust and that feel the same for you. I love them. Enjoy, have fun and let the holy moments touch your sunny soul.